Sunday, January 11, 2009

THE ADVANTAGES OF HOMEMADE STATIONARY

In keeping with my efforts to secure craft sponsors, I have designed a simple and highly artistic craft project: homemade stationary. This project incorporates several elements of popular blog craft projects:

1. It is homemade.
2. Your version will look crappier than the version posted on the blog.
3. It involves an activity most people do not engage in: writing.
4. It seems more complicated than the non-homemade alternative (buying actual stationary).

It is important to note that there is a population of individuals who believe that upon graduation from fourth grade, an individual should not be distributing homemade products in lieu of purchasing their equivalent. I, too, largely subscribe to this view: it is not proper give, for instance, home-knitted socks or mittens for important life events like birthdays or graduation. These types of homemade products should be given freely and with no connection to actual holidays or life events.

Homemade stationary is outside of the realm of this viewpoint, though, as no one actually anticipates you sending them a letter or thank you note. The mere act of mailing properly-addressed paper positions you above the rest of society (the craft projects of this blog will focus on making you better than everyone else). While it always nice to open a beautiful card, the attractiveness of the envelope interior is moot.

Subsequently, I have designed my own personal thank you cards, which I have shared below. This design is particularly stylish as it uses clip-art borders and graphics reminiscent of Kandinsky, who has apparently become popular again. The design is also consistent with a new trend in stationary that does not require you to write anything beyond the basic gift information: the date, the giver's name, the gift, the event, and your name.

A sample of this stationary has been posted below; unfortunately, the printer's color ink is low and the border and graphic did not print properly. Nonetheless, the concept is clear and there should be little expectation that this stationary be perfect (for the reasons stated above). Please note, too, that the gift referenced, a scarf, was presumably purchased at a store. A homemade scarf does not warrant a thank-you card.

Friday, January 9, 2009

A BETTER HOBBY THAN KNITTING: SPRAYPAINTING

Spraypainting is a better hobby than knitting because:
  • It is easier. Some may say that spraypainting involves talent, but I would argue that talent is optional for this hobby.
  • Spraypainting can enliven old crap in your home, while knitting simply adds to the crap that already exists.
  • Any object can be spraypainted: shoes, rugs, dishes, plants, etc. Not every object can be knitted.

    As a demonstration of this argument, I have designed a very easy craft project. I have noticed that craft projects are very popular on blogs. As I would like to have sponsors for this blog, I feel it is important to incorporate craft projects that will gain me sponsors.

    This craft project is titled, "Rock Spraypainting," and involves several easy steps:
  1. Get a big rock. I found an old rock in a parking lot.


  2. Buy a cheap can of spraypaint ($2-$4), preferably a metallic color.


  3. Spraypaint the rock all over; it is ok to have a lead finger as spraypaint driplets will only add to the rock's charm.


  4. Use the rock as a paperweight.

    While this rock does admittedly look like it is covered in tin foil, spraypainting performed a very important function that tin foil does not: immobilizing any bugs and algae that may live on your rock. My rock, for instance, had some green slime on the bottom. Instead of spending significant time cleaning the rock, all I had to do is keep spraypainting it until all of the green slime oozed out. And now I have a very beautiful paperweight that did not involve any knitting.









Friday, January 2, 2009

WHY KNITTING SUCKS AS A HOBBY

Knitting sucks as a hobby because it is less expensive and less effort to buy something that has already been knitted. Knitting also sucks as a hobby because most homemade knits are pretty crappy, lack resilience, and are often useless, such as the very popular thin and long scarves that curl into themselves because they lack any knit backbone. Lastly, knitting sucks as a hobby because way too many people knit; hobbies are supposed to be interesting and subsequently, if everyone knits, it is by default, not very interesting.